


you taught me the courage of stars before you left

by biscutpoo



Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Actor Xiao Zhan, Angst with a Happy Ending, BJYX prompt fest, Escort Wang Yi Bo, Falling In Love, Famous Xiao Zhan, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, No beta we die like wei wuxian, Non-Famous Wang Yi Bo, UNIQ Cameos, mild lies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 08:48:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25347961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscutpoo/pseuds/biscutpoo
Summary: Prompt: Expensive rent boy WYB is hired to cause a scandal in XZ's career, but he falls in love, etc. Happy endings only please
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan
Comments: 43
Kudos: 473
Collections: BJYX Prompt Fest 2020





	you taught me the courage of stars before you left

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pomelos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomelos/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [pomelos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pomelos/pseuds/pomelos) in the [bjyx_fest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjyx_fest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Expensive rent boy WYB is hired to cause a scandal in XZ's career, but he falls in love, etc. Happy endings only please.
> 
> Of all the story ideas I had, I never thought this would be my first foray into RPF, but god these boys dragged me in so deep I can’t climb out of this pit now. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is fictional. Although the characters in it are based off of and inspired by real life people, it is still a fictional work written purely for entertainment purposes. I did not intend for this story to make any statements about the lives, relationships, personalities, or image of any real life people and sincerely apologize if anything in this story offends others. Please contact me privately about it if that is the case, we can work something out. Thanks!

The job offer, when it came, was not entirely unusual to see in Wang Yibo’s line of work, albeit it would be the first time he had been offered such an option. The details were rather simple in itself. All he had to do was get close to the target (some up and coming celebrity) and snap a few compromising photos. The classic sex scandal to sabotage a public figure’s image. What complicated the job considerably, however, was the target…

_Xiao Zhan._

The face staring back at him from the headshot was a face Yibo had seen everywhere in the past few months: on bulletin boards, on tv commercials, printed on the sides of buses. It seemed people couldn’t get enough of this smiling face since it had shot to super stardom almost a year ago after the airing of _Chen Qing Ling_.

“Are you aware of him?” asked Gong Yuhan. Yibo didn’t know much about this client other than the fact that he worked for a major entertainment media company. When his manager had first pitched the job offer to him over the phone two weeks ago, the young man had nearly hung up on her in disgust. It had taken a lot of needling for Yibo to even agree to a sit down meeting and only because his manager had insisted the client was legit.

Yibo snorted. “Aware of him?” He echoed disbelievingly. “I think most people in China have at least heard of his name before. The person you want me to seduce is _him_?”

Despite his young age, Yibo had worked in the high-end escort industry for at least three years already. He had seen his fair share of high profile clientele looking for a good time, from rich CEOs to politicians to businessmen. The company that he worked for was popular in certain circles because they valued discretion, but this kind of client…

Having studied design in college, Xiao Zhan worked as a graphic designer for a year after graduation before eventually choosing to pursue his love of singing through an idol selection competition. He debuted a few years later, relatively older than his peers, in the boyband group, XNINE, under Wajijiwa Entertainment. The band was moderately successful, but Xiao Zhan later discovered a passion for acting and took up some supporting roles in small productions. Ultimately, his breakout role came in the form of the character, Wei Wuxian, from the hit webdrama, _Chen Qing Ling_ , which exploded in popularity during the summer of 2019. Becoming a household name almost overnight, Xiao Zhan was now arguably one of the most popular, young, Chinese celebrities of this era. What surprised everyone, wasn’t just the level of popularity but also the astonishing longevity. Even a year after his breakout drama had finished airing and despite weeks of silence when it came to new projects, the actor’s hold on the number one spot in polls seemed ironclad.

“We’re more than willing to compensate you handsomely for the trouble,” Gong Yuhan promised. “Of course your face will be kept out of the press as much as possible when the photos are leaked, and we can arrange an opportunity for you to meet him. Everything beyond that will be up to you.” 

Yibo groaned. “Is this kind of elaborate takedown really necessary?” He asked. “I thought for people like you made-up rumors and dug-up dirt was more than enough.”

The client scoffed humorlessly. “Believe me when I say I’ve already tried. Unfortunately, Xiao Zhan seems to be the rare kind of celebrity who doesn’t have a controversial past story to his name. Old lovers, old classmates, everyone we’ve talked to from his past life only sings his praises. After months of digging all we have to show for it are a few immature comments from his teenage days and a few drunk photos, nothing sticks. The man’s as clean as a whistle.”

“So your solution to that is to generate dirt,” Yibo retorted sharply. “What makes you think he’ll even go for it? Is he even attracted to men?”

“Whether he is or not, isn’t any of my concern,” Yuhan replied. “You just need to make it look like he is.”

“Despite what you might think, I’m really not in the business of ruining lives,” said Yibo snappishly, pushing himself up from his seat and reaching for his coat.

Yuhan’s smile turned sharp. “750,000 Yuan,” he said simply. “20% upfront, the rest upon completion of the job.”

Yibo paused halfway in his motion, shocked. That was…a lot of money, but still…

Yuhan seemed to sense his continued hesitation. “1,000,000 Yuan,” he said. “Final offer. And don’t think about it like ruining someone’s life. This kid’s been at the top of the charts for almost an entire year. We don’t need him to disappear from the industry, we just want to knock him out of the top spot and give some other deserving star a chance in the spotlight, that’s all,” said the agent coldly. “It’s just business.”

Hesitantly, Yibo looked again at the collection of headshots on the café table between them. Black and white shots of Xiao Zhan, jawline sharp and pronounced, staring off into the distance with a smoky look in his eyes. Another shot of the same actor, eyes twinkling, lips pulled wide in a sunny smile. He tried not to think about the ramifications of what he was about to do. _It’s just business_.

“I want 30% upfront,” said Yibo carefully. “And you better keep both my _name_ and my _face_ out of the press.”

“Deal,” promised Gong Yuhan, his eyes shark-like.

Yibo had no way of knowing then how much he would eventually come to regret this.

* * *

The arranged meeting opportunity was a business party held at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in Beijing. Nearly all of the biggest entertainment names in the industry had been invited to attend, which included some of the most well-known directors, producers, agents, CEOs, and celebrities in the industry. The guest list was particularly exclusive, but Gong Yuhan had gotten Wang Yibo an invitation under the cover of being a CEO’s nephew.

It was a typical upscale party, with men dressed in classy suits and women in shiny, elaborate, dresses. The kind of party where servers delivered hors d’oeuvres and champagne in elegant glass flutes and people either discussed business or useless gossip and nothing else in between.

For the occasion, Yibo had dressed in a white dress shirt and black dress pants, a black bowtie, and a black blazer with intricate gold design down the middle. His hair, longer than his usual look, tickled the back of his neck. It was getting rather late into the night and Yibo had yet to approach his intended target, not for lack of trying.

Xiao Zhan it seemed, was quite popular. Naturally charismatic, the young actor had a certain charm about him that others often found themselves gravitating towards. He’d spent the entire night being shuttled from one group to another by his agent, drawing laughter from everyone he talked to. Endlessly polite and courteous but never alone.

In his desperation, Yibo almost considered giving up before he finally spotted his one window of opportunity.

The party was drawing to a close, some of the more influential guests had already departed and most of the stragglers only remained because they were getting too drunk to care. Xiao Zhan, looking slightly worse for wear, excused himself momentarily from an increasingly clingy female guest and made a beeline towards the bar. Drudging up his courage, Wang Yibo downed the rest of his glass of champagne and followed.

Up close and in person, Xiao Zhan was even more handsome than his photos proclaimed. Tonight he was dressed in all black, with a silver and gold blazer embroidered with a pattern of stars that resembled the night sky. “…just a coca cola, please,” he heard Xiao Zhan say to the bartender as Yibo sidled up casually at his side.

“Are you sure about that?” asked Wang Yibo boldly. “You look like you could use a good shot.”

The actor turned, surprised, and met Yibo’s eyes for the first time. _Clean._ Thought Yibo vaguely. _Innocent._ Xiao Zhan laughed politely. “I’m afraid my alcohol tolerance is not very good,” the young actor said. “I have a work event tomorrow so I can’t drink too much tonight, unfortunately.”

“Mmm,” Yibo hummed. When the bartender approached to take his order, he asked for a gin and tonic.

“And you are…” Xiao Zhan began hesitantly.

Yibo could see the young actor mentally scouring the list of people he’d already met tonight and held out his hand, politely. “Wang Yibo,” he said. “I haven’t had the pleasure yet of meeting you.”

Xiao Zhan’s smile was dutifully polite. “I’m Xiao Zhan,” he replied.

“I know,” Yibo teased. “You were trending on Weibo this morning.”

The young actor laughed and looked away shyly. “Ah,” he said, looking embarrassed. “Yeah…What was it this time? I didn’t even do anything noteworthy!”

“Something about how you look really good in suits,” said Yibo. He intentionally swept his gaze up and down Xiao Zhan’s form, smirking. “I have to say, I kind of agree.”

The other man’s ears turned slightly red at his words and he ducked his head. “Don’t be like that,” he accused jokingly. “Excessive praise!”

“Is it excessive if it’s true?” teased Yibo. “Truly, Xiao-laoshi is even more handsome in person than the pictures make him seem.”

“Wang-laoshi is pretty attractive, himself.” Xiao Zhan retorted. “Are you a model?”

Wang Yibo laughed. “Something like that,” he demurred. “Tell me, do you dislike these events as much as I do?”

The other man’s answering laugh was pleasantly surprised. “It comes with the territory,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t say I disliked them, but it’s not my favorite part of the job that’s true.”

“Then what is your favorite part of the job?” Yibo asked curiously.

Xiao Zhan paused, as if giving the question serious consideration. The bartender came back with his cola and Yibo’s order of a gin and tonic before vanishing back into the ether. “The stage, I guess…” He said at last. “Singing. That feeling when you’re looking out at a sea of faceless people, holding signs, and screaming. And knowing with each note I sing that someone’s day is being brightened, just a bit.”

For a brief moment, Yibo felt the resonating pang of a life, long past. He was 13 again, dancing to his heart’s content on a small stage, hearing the cheers of the crowd and feeling the way the dance moved through his body like wind through the trees.

“I suppose what I’m doing now is a bit farther from that original dream,” Xiao Zhan admitted, jolting Yibo from his thoughts.

This statement seemed to reverberate with Yibo deeper than expected. “Did you have to give it up?” He asked.

Xiao Zhan blinked in surprise. “Not at all!” He said confidently. “To be honest, my original dream was always to be a painter. I think a part of me still wants to accomplish that in the future. But I haven’t given up on either of those: singing or painting. They’re both things that I like to do and want to do.”

“But what you’re doing now is a far cry from that. If you want to be an artist, why stay in the entertainment industry? If you want to sing, why act?”

“True,” admitted Xiao Zhan. “What I’m doing now, being here,” he teased. “It doesn’t immediately look like a step towards my dream. But I don’t think that everything in life has to be! I’m doing well the job that’s right in front of me. But I still find time every now and then to draw. I still sing when I get the chance. Everything else is just an experience that I can learn from. And when I’m ready to take a step towards that dream, I will.”

“There are people who spend their entire lives devoted to one thing. You think you can have it all? Be an actor and a singer and a painter?”

Xiao Zhan grinned. “Why not?” He asked, eyes twinkling with mirth. “Dreams are dreams for a reason. Giving up on a dream…is the only way you know for sure it won’t ever come true.”

“You’re a rather greedy person,” Yibo commented.

The older man laughed and leaned in closer, the smell of his cologne sweet in the air between them. “I’ve been told,” he said jokingly. “Stubborn, too. I’ll take that as a compliment. When I know what I want, I go for it. Simple as that. Is there something wrong with that?”

“No,” Yibo said, swallowing. “I kind of find it attractive.” He had instinctively leaned in closer as well, matching Xiao Zhan’s movements until their faces were slightly closer than socially acceptable. He was watching Xiao Zhan’s movements so closely, Yibo caught the exact moment when the other man’s gaze flicked briefly down to his lips and back.

_Ah,_ Yibo thought. _It was now or never._ A part of him, however, was hesitant to even ask. He’d been so caught up in their discussion that Yibo had forgotten the initial reason to approach Xiao Zhan in the first place. He realized, with a start, that Xiao Zhan had charmed him in a way none of his clients ever had before. To the point where he almost didn’t want to ruin it with what he was about to do and yet…

“My hotel room is right upstairs…” said Yibo hesitantly, vulnerably. “If you want to go somewhere a little bit quieter.”

Xiao Zhan’s face froze and his smile became tight but he didn’t immediately pull away. “I think maybe there’s been a misunderstanding,” he said with a forced laugh. “I’m not really that kind of person.”

The actor had a vaguely uncomfortable look in his eyes now. The kind of look that Yibo had seen on men’s faces before. The look that usually followed whenever they found out what he did for a living or whose company he preferred at night, the kind of look that said _don’t come closer,_ as if Yibo was something filthy and contagious. Like being attracted to men was something they could catch if he sneezed on them. Yibo didn’t know why seeing that kind of look on Xiao Zhan’s face hurt more than most.

“Right…” he said bitterly. “Stupid of me to think that. My mistake.” He turned sharply away and downed the rest of his gin and tonic, relishing the burn as it went down. He was just about to flee when Xiao Zhan’s voice called him back.

“Wait!” The actor said, grabbing onto Yibo’s wrist. “Please wait. I didn’t…I didn’t mean it the way you think.”

“It’s fine,” said Yibo stiffly. “You don’t need to explain yourself to soothe your guilty conscience. I’m used to it.”

“I meant…” Here Xiao Zhan looked panicked, his usually calm demeanor suddenly nervous. He darted a quick look around the room but all of the guests were too drunk to pay them any mind. “I meant I’m not the one-night stand type of guy…” Xiao Zhan admitted shyly. “And I really do have to work early tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“You…want to exchange Wechats?” Xiao Zhan asked hopefully. There was something about the way he looked at Yibo—frightened, nervous, and naively hopeful—that made the younger man feel suddenly guilty.

“Yeah,” Yibo replied. “I’d like that.”

* * *

It started with casual texting at first.

Xiao Zhan was busy flying all over the country for this or that event and rarely spent time in Beijing.

They both liked video games. Xiao Zhan, although terrible, was very addicted to League of Legends. So on his rare nights off, Yibo would drag him out to play a few rounds with his team. They’d voice chat the entire time, Yibo trash-talking Xiao Zhan until the idol finally shed his polite veneer and snapped playfully back.

Other times, Xiao Zhan would send him pictures of the scenery he saw during his travels. Sometimes forests, mountains, and blue skies from his various remote sets. Other times a cute animal he’d seen. Every time Yibo would reply with a flirtatious request for a selfie of Xiao Zhan instead. Or send one of his own and boldly ask which one the idol thought was prettier. (To which the other man would always indulgently say him.)

Before long, even Yibo realized things were getting slightly out of hand, but he found he didn’t really have the heart to put a stop to it. When Gong Yuhan texted him asking for a progress report, Yibo put him off by saying Xiao Zhan was especially careful and it would take time to build enough trust to get close to him.

Surprisingly, it was Xiao Zhan who made the next move. Texting him spontaneously one weekday morning, _I have the day off. Let’s do something!!!!_

They went to an arcade, Xiao Zhan being extra careful to not be caught by any paparazzi, donned in a baseball cap and black facemask. The hour was still early though, so the arcade was generally empty. They spent a few minutes playing first person shooting games until Yibo complained about the zombies then gravitated towards motorcycle racing games and shooting hoops.

Xiao Zhan insisted on spending an exorbitant amount of time at the claw machine trying to win a cute cat plushie. After the fifth failed attempt, Yibo finally relented to Xiao Zhan’s whining and gave the game a shot. Surprisingly, he won the plushie on his first try to Xiao Zhan’s great delight, who proceeded to swing it around in his arms like a child.

Afterwards, they went to see a horror movie that the older actor had really wanted to watch, slipping quietly into the theatre just as trailers finished airing, fumbling their way through the too dark room. Half-way through the movie, Yibo got so scared he almost leapt into Xiao Zhan’s lap after a particularly suspenseful jump scare. The other man laughed quietly then reached out and held Yibo’s hand in the dark, a comforting presence for the rest of the film.

Yibo hated horror movies. The feeling of Xiao Zhan’s hand, warm around his, only barely made up for it.

They ended the night getting dinner at one of Xiao Zhan’s favorite hotpot restaurants, a private room in the back to avoid any wandering eyes. “Do you even like spicy food?” Xiao Zhan asked skeptically.

“It’s fine,” Yibo lied, eyeing the noxiously red side of the Yin Yang Pot with some trepidation. But he refused to admit defeat and ate from that side religiously until it brought tears to his eyes. Xiao Zhan simply smiled, amused, and fed Yibo meat from the non-spicy side of the pot after that.

Later, Yibo, who wasn’t quite ready to call it a night yet, insisted they take a stroll through a nearby park before heading home. They wandered aimlessly under the shadowed paths, giving a wide berth to other stragglers, until they settled on a park bench in a relatively disserted part of the grounds. Xiao Zhan took off his face mask with a breath of relief, fanning himself with it. Even sweaty, he looked entirely too pretty.

It was quite unfair.

So Yibo told him so. “Wow,” he teased with exaggerated flattery. “Zhan-ge looks so good even without makeup.”

Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes. “Are we starting again?” He quipped. “I thought we called a cease-fire after you almost got us kicked out of the arcade for slapping me too much.”

“Whatever you say, Old Man.” He said, bumping the other man’s shoulder lightly with his own.

“Wang Yibo!”

Things devolved quite quickly into a contest of shoulder bumps and light hits until Wang Yibo dodged one of Xiao Zhan’s hits too well and the other man overbalanced, nearly falling on top of him. The press of the young actor’s body against his own, the distinct lack of space between them, and Xiao Zhan’s eyes, darkened with desire and surprise stirred something deep inside of Yibo’s chest.

Xiao Zhan’s smile was apologetic when he pulled away. But Yibo found he didn’t mind quite as much as he’d thought. “Next time,” he quipped breathlessly. “Come to my place.”

Xiao Zhan’s reply was equally breathless. “It’s a date.”

* * *

This…whatever this was between them continued on for a few more weeks before Xiao Zhan had time again. They made plans for him to drop by Yibo’s apartment after work for dinner. Yibo boldly declared he would cook. So it was that Xiao Zhan showed up at his doorstep with a handful of beers and snacks to find Yibo frantically trying to put out a smoking fire in his kitchen.

The young actor immediately leapt into action, smothering the fire, and dousing the burned wok in the sink. Yibo stared morosely at the only things he had to show for his efforts, a cucumber salad and the burned, charred, remnants of his attempt at shredded pork. “Sorry,” he pouted. “I know this isn’t what you expected.”

“It might still be salvageable,” Xiao Zhan said reassuringly. “This cucumber salad is still edible?” He popped one piece of cucumber into his mouth with chopsticks, chewed proudly, paused, and made a face.

“I’m just going to order take-out,” said Yibo, leaving the kitchen to find his phone.

Xiao Zhan’s voice followed him out of the kitchen. “Wang Yibo, how much _vinegar_ did you put in this!”

.

.

.

By the time the delivery boy arrived with their order, Yibo had thoroughly trounced Xiao Zhan in a mobile game to make up for his continued teasing. They ate in the living room while watching one of Xiao Zhan’s old dramas, at Yibo’s insistence. (“Wow! Zhan-ge is so handsome!” “Wang Yibo!” “Zhan-ge, why are you acting shy!”)

Afterwards, Xiao Zhan insisted in helping Yibo wash the dishes. So the two of them stood shoulder to shoulder in Yibo’s narrow kitchen, while Xiao Zhan tried to scrub the blackened wok clean.

“Aiyo,” the actor teased. “Next time, come to my place. I’ll cook.”

Yibo, being a gremlin, reached over and flicked some suds into Xiao Zhan’s face in retaliation, but the older man just giggled and bumped their hips together flirtatiously.

In the next moment, Yibo had grabbed Xiao Zhan’s shirt and they were kissing, the pot forgotten in the sink.

Xiao Zhan was…quite a bony person, Yibo realized with a laugh and a surprisingly cautious kisser. Yibo, however, was used to teasing passion out of his clients and so let his hands wander lower along Xiao Zhan’s body until the other man was surging forwards more eagerly than before.

They twirled their way into Yibo’s bedroom in a flurry of hands and legs and misplaced clothes, tripping over themselves in their eagerness for more.

“Condoms and lube are in the first drawer,” Yibo said between breaths. Xiao Zhan flushed red but obediently grabbed the aforementioned supplies from the bedside cabinet.

They moved together as intricately as dancers who had known each other for years, pushing and pulling against each other like the moon and the tides.

And when they finally climaxed together and collapsed as one in a breathless tangle of limbs upon the bed, it was like the final coming of a meteor shower the way stars burst across Yibo’s vision.

They stayed like that, two bodies tangled intricately into one, well into the early hours of the dawn.

.

.

.

After Xiao Zhan left shortly before breakfast, Yibo sat up alone on the bed and carefully dug out the hidden cameras that he had installed the night before, flipping through the pictures he’d captured of their evening together like a prisoner receiving his sentence.

Xiao Zhan’s words from the night before were still settled in his chest and made his hands tremble. _What is this between us?_ Yibo had asked in a moment of post-coital vulnerability. Xiao Zhan’s answering smile had been tinted with tiredness but was nevertheless bright. _Whatever you want._ He’d replied. _But if you ask me…do you want to be my boyfriend?_

Yibo had said yes before he’d even processed what he was doing. Happiness bubbling up in his chest.

Slowly, Yibo transferred all the photos off the camera onto his phone, deleting the originals and carefully returned the camera to a nearby drawer. Xiao Zhan looked happy in the photos, Yibo thought absentmindedly. A part of him wanted to see that again.

There wasn’t any rush to send Gong Yuhan anything right now, Yibo decided. It could wait a bit longer…

* * *

In August, Xiao Zhan’s new drama _Oath of Love_ dropped to widespread appeal. His character won the hearts of fans everywhere who gushed about his dreamy appearance. It brought the star back into the public eye and thus made meeting up rather difficult as Xiao Zhan was busy promoting the drama all across the country. Whenever the older man was in town though between gigs, he’d let Wang Yibo spend the night at his apartment.

They spent enough time at Xiao Zhan’s apartment now that Yibo had slowly moved half his wardrobe into the other man’s closet. And nothing gave Yibo more satisfaction than seeing his boyfriend emerge from the bathroom, ready for work dressed in some of Yibo’s clothes by mistake.

A few astute fans had even noticed Xiao Zhan’s random bursts of fashion change and commented on it curiously in Weibo forums.

Overall, things had settled into a temporarily blissful existence that Yibo found he was reluctant to let shatter. It was unrealistic to expect this could continue on forever, however. Even Yibo knew that. He’d been increasingly reluctant to take on any new jobs with the agency. Sex with strangers just didn’t have the same appeal anymore now that he was having sex with Xiao Zhan regularly.

The monogamy and domestic bliss of it all lured Yibo into a careless sense of security. That particular morning, they’d spent at Yibo’s apartment. The younger man was in the shower after a particularly long night of love-making while Xiao Zhan played a mobile game on both of their phones. “You’re really going to shower _now?_ ” The actor had asked incredulously, fingers tapping incessantly away at his screen. “We’re going to lose!”

“Just play for me!” Yibo had chirped right before stepping under the hot water stream.

When he slipped out of the bathroom ten minutes later, dressed only in a towel, he found Xiao Zhan sitting somberly on the bed, game forgotten, staring at something on Yibo’s phone.

“What?” Yibo asked, eyebrow quirked questioningly. Xiao Zhan’s expression was unusually closed off. “…What’s wrong. Did we lose?”

“Who’s Zhang Wei?” The actor asked, his mouth pinched. He held up Yibo’s phone, screen facing up where the latest text message from one of his regular clients was clearly displayed.

**Zhang Wei** :

Sweetheart. I want to see you again. I can’t forget the way you felt inside of me last time. Can we meet up this weekend? Same hotel as before is fine. I’ll bring double.

Yibo’s heart plummeted. “I…” He stammered, mind utterly blank.

“I guess we didn’t really talk about if we should be exclusive,” said Xiao Zhan carefully. He looked on the verge of tears. “But I kind of thought…”

“He’s not a boyfriend,” Yibo blurted out. “You’re the only one I’m dating.”

“Then what is he to you?” Xiao Zhan snapped back, sounding angry. “Because I don’t think I’m misreading what this text means.”

“He’s…he’s a client.” Yibo confessed, words falling out of his mouth before he could think to stop them. “I’m a high-end escort. Zhang Wei’s probably not even his real name.”

All of a sudden it was Yibo who couldn’t meet Xiao Zhan’s eyes, his whole body shaking. There was a long period of silence where neither man said anything. Finally, it was Xiao Zhan who broke the stillness. “…I thought you said you were a model.”

“I never said that,” Yibo admitted. “You just assumed and I never corrected you.”

“…So what? You…have sex with people…for money.”

“Not always,” Yibo pleaded. “Not all the clients want sex.”

“But sometimes they do…”

“…Yeah…sometimes they do.”

“…How long…?” Xiao Zhan asked.

“Since I was 19,” Yibo said.

Xiao Zhan swore venomously.

Shaking, Yibo snatched his phone back from the older man’s hands and grabbed a random pair of clothes from his closet, feeling suddenly exposed. “Look if you’re going to go, just go. There’s no need to make a scene about it,” he snapped bitterly.

“Why would I go?” Xiao Zhan asked, bewildered. The anger had faded from his face to be replaced by concern. “I’m not mad at you, I don’t have a problem with your job, I was just surprised,” the older man said. “I’m sorry. The swearing was uncalled for. I’m really not mad at you.”

Yibo’s face was skeptical.

“Ok I’m mad that you didn’t tell me,” Xiao Zhan admitted. “I thought we were closer than this?”

“I think my occupation tends to be a dealbreaker for most relationships,” Yibo said scathingly.

Xiao Zhan had the nerve to look sheepish. “Ok…that’s fair. But I’m really not mad at you. I’m mad at…I’m mad at everything else. You were 19 when you started? Do you have any idea how young that sounds to me?”

“I’m not a pity case, Zhan-ge,” Yibo retorted. “I’m not being forced to do something against my will.”

“Really?” Xiao Zhan asked, his eyes intense.

“Really,” Yibo said, ignoring the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

“These clients…you’re…safe with them?”

Yibo blinked in surprise. “I work for an agency,” he said. “They screen the clients really well. And everyone gets tested regularly. I don’t take on any clients that are…you know…violent.”

“I’m just worried about you,” Xiao Zhan admitted.

“I’ve been doing this a while, Ge,” Yibo blustered. “I can take care of myself.”

“…Right…Yeah…”

Xiao Zhan still looked like a kicked puppy so Yibo hesitantly reached out a hand, relieved when the older man didn’t flinch away from him as if he was dirty. “They’re just clients,” He said. “I don’t _feel_ anything with them. They’re just a job to me.”

Slowly, Xiao Zhan reached out and pulled Yibo into a tight embrace. His breath tickled the tops of Yibo’s still wet hair when the taller man bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead. “Is this job where you want to be?” He asked at last.

“Yeah,” Yibo lied.

“Are you happy there?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I won’t complain anymore,” Xiao Zhan said, releasing the younger man. “I’ll make breakfast. How do you feel about scallion pancakes?”

“You’re not going to leave?” Yibo asked feebly.

Xiao Zhan’s smile was apologetic. “I don’t have to work today, remember?” He teased. “But no,” He reassured. “I’m not going anywhere.”

And in that moment, Yibo wanted nothing more than to believe him.

* * *

True to Xiao Zhan’s word. Things returned to the blissful normal of before. They still video-chatted in the evenings if Xiao Zhan wasn’t too busy filming and spent every day together whenever the actor was in Beijing.

In October, Xiao Zhan had the luck to be free in Beijing the night of his birthday so he and Yibo made plans to celebrate with a quiet night in.

When Yibo showed up at Xiao Zhan’s apartment, takeout containers in hand, the idol was standing in his living room, intently watching a dance tutorial video on his phone.

“Hey!” Xiao Zhan greeted with a smile, pecking Yibo briefly on the lips, before turning back to the display. “Sorry! I’m supposed to fly out to Changsha tomorrow to film a segment for this talk show and they want me to do a dance bit. But they really didn’t give me much time to learn the choreography so I’m sort of cramming.” He bit his lip in a look of comical concentration that was both adorable and hot.

Yibo set the food containers on the table and slowly began unpacking everything. “Want me to take a look?” He asked.

“You can dance?” Xiao Zhan asked in surprise.

Yibo shrugged. “I danced a lot when I was a kid,” he admitted. “Haven’t in a few years, but I pick up choreography pretty fast. If you want, I can try and teach it to you.”

“Sure,” Xiao Zhan said, his eyes wide. He passed the phone to Yibo and started setting the rest of the table while the other man worked.

Within a few moments, Yibo had gotten the general gist of the movements down and proceeded to walk Xiao Zhan through each of them, step by step. Occasionally, he’d correct the idol’s movements, moving different parts of Xiao Zhan’s body into place with lingering hands.

By the time Xiao Zhan had learned the movements to a satisfactory point for both of them, almost an hour had passed and the food was long since cold.

“Wow,” Zhan-ge said at the end through panting breaths. “You’re amazing!”

Yibo, slightly flushed from exertion himself, chose to shake off his embarrassment by kissing Xiao Zhan very heavily in their makeshift dance practice room. The other man groaned but reciprocated with equal fervor. Pretty soon, Yibo had Xiao Zhan pinned to the floor and was half-way to getting his shirt off when the idol stopped him with a breathless laugh. “What about the food?” Xiao Zhan asked.

“Screw the food,” Yibo snapped with a growl. “I’d rather eat you.”

Xiao Zhan only fondly rolled his eyes. “Fine, but don’t leave any marks like last time. I can’t keep wearing a turtle neck!”

.

.

.

The food did end up needing to be reheated.

.

.

.

Twice.

Sometime later, over slightly worse for wear takeout, Xiao Zhan, his hair still mussed from sex, gave Yibo a second helping of meat as a reward. “But seriously,” the actor said, mouth full of the latest spicy atrocity he’d had Yibo order, “I had no idea you were such a good dancer!”

“I danced a lot when I was a kid,” Yibo said dismissively. “I loved it.”

“If you love dancing so much, why didn’t you pursue it professionally?” The other man asked earnestly. “You’re truly good at it! I bet with skills like that, you could’ve made it really far as an idol.”

Yibo’s chest twisted uncomfortably. “I wanted to. At one point in my life, I thought about it. But things don’t always work out the way we want them to,” he said.

There was a knowing look in Xiao Zhan’s eyes. “Detours huh…” He mused thoughtfully. “If you want, I can put in a good word for you with some of my industry friends.”

Yibo blinked in surprise. “…Really?”

“Yeah,” said Xiao Zhan, suddenly embarrassed. “I mean…I don’t know that I have so much sway in the industry I can promise you an opportunity. But I can at least keep my ears open.”

Yibo hesitated.

“It’s just an offer,” Xiao Zhan promised. “If you’re interested. If you ever want to work in some other industry.”

“…You said you didn’t mind what I did for a living…” Yibo ventured tentatively.

“I don’t,” Xiao Zhan reassured. There was no hint of hesitation in his voice. “I meant what I said. As long as you’re happy, I won’t complain. But if you ever wanted to get out…just say the word. I can help.”

Yibo was mortified to feel the sting of wetness in his eyes and quickly hid his face in his hands. But Xiao Zhan seemed to have noticed his distress because the other man put down his chopsticks, crossed the short distance to Yibo’s side of the table and pressed the younger man’s face into his chest. “Hey, I’m sorry, I won’t mention it again if it upsets you!” Xiao Zhan promised, his voice whispering lovingly into Yibo’s hair. “It just seemed like you were really happy when we were dancing earlier. I just want you to be happy is all.”

The truth was. Yibo had once had a chance at being an idol. Dancing from a young age, he’d even placed in national freestyle dance competitions before being actively recruited by an entertainment company to receive training abroad in Korea. The training had been rough and Yibo, then merely a thirteen-year-old kid, had been painfully shy, but dance was his passion. And so he had reluctantly packed up his life to pursue that passion aboard.

Sometimes things didn’t work out the way we wanted them to.

He was diagnosed with myocarditis shortly after arriving in Korea. The doctors told him he would never be able to dance professionally again.

Heartbroken, Yibo returned to China and tried to apply himself to schooling, but ultimately failed to test well enough to get into any college.

He had always had a pretty face though and so had tried his hand at some early modeling gigs. Eventually, he had been approached by Huayue agency to work as a high-end escort. The money was better than anything he could make as a model and he was given free rein to accept jobs as he wanted. Despite common belief, not all of the clients wanted sex either. Sometimes they just wanted company or a kind ear or a pretty face to pamper. Some of them were married, some of them weren’t out to their families.

Yibo could be pragmatic about this. It was only to earn enough money so that he could have the stable savings needed to start a different career. It was only supposed to be a short-term thing. But as the months dragged on, it became harder and harder to stop.

The job from Gong Yuhan…despicable as it was…that amount of money would have been enough to cut his ties with Huayue for good. But then…

How could Yibo have predicted the way Xiao Zhan would blaze into his life? How could he have known the way the actor would have made him feel like he was a teenager again, dancing in Korea, stirring up old dreams he’d long thought impossible.

_I want this._ Yibo thought, but didn’t say. _I want you._

But these were words he didn’t feel qualified enough to voice. So instead, the younger man just reached up and cupped Xiao Zhan’s face in his own to kiss him senseless.

.

.

.

“Take a selfie with me,” Xiao Zhan murmured sleepily. They’d just had another fantastic round of birthday sex and the older man’s everything definitely screamed satisfied. Yibo, blissfully riding his own post-coital high, hummed, pleasantly surprised.

“You never want to take pictures together,” he remarked curiously.

“I know,” said Xiao Zhan with a laugh, reaching for his phone by the bedside table. “But somehow I just want to remember this moment.” His grin was cheeky. “Wang-laoshi looks too content.”

Yibo smirked, but obediently shifted closer, grinning at the camera. Xiao Zhan took a few from different angles, then twisted onto his belly to peruse the final products, grinning. “I’ll send you my favorite,” he said as Yibo’s phone beeped its own notification. “It’s just for your eyes though!” The older man teased.

“I don’t want to show Zhan-ge’s _I just got fucked_ face to anyone,” Yibo replied solemnly. “It’s just for me.”

Xiao Zhan collapsed back onto the bed, grinning from ear to ear. “Wang-laoshi is really too skilled in how he moves his body,” he teased.

Yibo didn’t know how to respond to this kind of comment and so retorted the only way he knew how, with an absolutely filthy kiss which somehow turned into lazy making out. It was domestic enough to make someone sick, but Yibo found he couldn’t stop grinning ear to ear.

“I got cast for a new period drama,” Xiao Zhan confessed between kisses. He looked slightly apologetic. “I’m going to be filming in Hengdian for at least a few months from now until the end of the year.”

Yibo withdrew, disappointed. “So what?” He asked. “Is this the last time I’ll be able to see you for that long?”

Xiao Zhan was silent. “I’m sorry, baobei,” he said. “How about this? You can come visit me on set. I’ll probably be too busy to entertain you during the day, but you can make yourself at home in the hotel room and if I’m not filming nights, we can have sex every night.” Xiao Zhan promised with a mischievous grin.

“You just want to hide me from sight,” Yibo accused jokingly. “Am I a dirty little secret to you?”

“No.” Xiao Zhan responded earnestly. “Quite the opposite actually. I want to put you up on a stage so that everyone can see you the way I do. I want to say to them. _Look. This is Wang Yibo. Isn’t he amazing? All of you want him but you can’t have him. Because this man is_ mine.”

Yibo’s heart skipped a beat. “Don’t be a sap,” he snapped half-heartedly, whacking Xiao Zhan on the shoulder.

The older man’s answering grin was cat-like. “Come,” he said.

And Yibo found there was only one answer he could make to that, “Ok.”

* * *

“What’s been up with you lately,” his manager asked when he approached her about taking some time off the next day. Zhou-jie managed a good portion of the high-end escorts at Huayue. Among the boys she was known for being pragmatic and strict, but fair. If anyone had trouble with clients, Zhou-jie would defend them as fiercely as a mother lion her cubs. But she was also uncomfortably observant, especially when you didn’t want her to be.

“What do you mean?” Yibo asked with forced casualness.

“You haven’t been taking your regular clients as much lately,” Zhou-jie said suspiciously. “You’ve declined a lot of sex jobs too. Things you would have normally jumped on without question.”

“Upset that my profits have dropped this last month?” Yibo retorted.

Zhou-jie’s eyes narrowed. “Just wondering if something’s wrong.”

Yibo hesitated. And briefly considered just confessing everything. Instead he said, “I met someone.”

“Oh kid,” Zhou-jie replied, her eyes sympathetic. “You’re the last person I expected to have this conversation with.”

“What do you mean?” Yibo snapped defensively.

“Who’s this someone?” His manager asked. “A client?”

Yibo didn’t respond but his silence seemed to be answer enough. Zhou-jie sighed. “Kid, you’re young. This isn’t the first time one of my boys has gotten ideas into their heads because a rich client promised them the world. It never ends well.”

Yibo simmered silently.

“I know you think this one’s different,” his manager continued. “But every client is the same. If they’re not married then they’ve got too much to lose in their lives to give it up for a honey-tongued escort.”

“I’m just looking out for you kid,” Zhou-jie continued when Yibo still remained adamantly tight-lipped. “Is this vacation time because he promised to take you on some trip around the world?”

Yibo looked away. “He’s not a client.” He said with a pout. “He’s never paid me to spend time with him.”

Zhou-jie sighed and reached out to ruffle Yibo’s hair. “Ok,” she relented. “If you come back from this trip and you’re still adamant about this guy, I won’t say another word about it,” she promised. “You can work fewer jobs, whatever you need. But think about what I said ok? Kids like you always get romantic and starry-eyed. I just don’t want you to make a decision you’re going to regret.”

* * *

Hengdian was crisp, already deep in the throes of fall when Yibo arrived, bags in hand.

Xiao Zhan had flown in with his team a few days before and sent Yibo all the hotel information. The man himself was busy meeting with the cast and crew so Xiao Zhan’s assistant met Yibo in the lobby and let him into the older man’s hotel room, her eyes overflowing with curiosity. Yibo sat nervously on the hotel bed, glancing around at the obvious signs of Xiao Zhan’s existence—an open suitcase full of clothes on the hotel room floor, toiletries and jewelry scattered across the desktops—and tried to think about what answer he should give if Xiao Zhan’s assistant asked who he was and why he was here.

But it seemed she was incredibly professional because she said not a word about how strange this all might seem and only politely asked if there was anything she could get him.

“I’m ok thanks,” Yibo stammered nervously, not used to being served.

“Boss isn’t filming today so he should be back late afternoon at the latest,” She said.

“I’ll just take a nap or something waiting for him,” Yibo replied. The assistant agreeably dismissed herself, leaving Yibo alone with his thoughts. But the conversation he’d had with Zhou-jie the day before still sat heavy on his mind and Yibo found himself restlessly pacing the hotel room, unsettled.

“Yibo!” Xiao Zhan greeted when he arrived an hour later. His entire face lit up and the older man immediately spread his arms wide, pulling Yibo into an embrace and kissing him fiercely. “I’m so excited you came! It’s going to be great!” The actor promised, already skipping around the room like a kid. “Have you eaten?”

They ended up going to a Japanese sushi restaurant for dinner. Even though it was just the two of them, Xiao Zhan still booked a private room to avoid any prying eyes. Then proceeded to order entirely too much food until both of them were full to bursting by the end of the evening. A few paparazzi were camped outside the restaurant on their way back to the hotel, but masked up with sunglasses and baseball caps, Yibo doubted they got any good shots of either of them.

Every morning, they woke up early before Xiao Zhan’s call time to go running in the hotel grounds. Yibo spent the days wandering Hengdian on his own, seeing the sights. Occasionally, if Xiao Zhan wasn’t too busy filming, he brought Yibo to the set and introduced him around the cast and crew, the two of them horsing around to everyone’s great amusement.

Whenever the crew went out for drinks, Xiao Zhan always brought Yibo along, until pretty soon he’d made some tentative friendships with some of Xiao Zhan’s cast mates.

And when they heard Yibo had experience as a dancer, they were happy to recommend him to apply for choreography or backup dancer positions in their respective companies.

Overall, those days he spent in Hengdian were some of the happiest of his life. Being able to see Xiao Zhan every day. To come back to the hotel room they shared. To know that even though Xiao Zhan was this glittery star, he didn’t have any hesitation to introduce Yibo to these aspects of his life, it made Yibo feel warm.

Zhou-jie’s warnings soon fell from the forefront of his mind and Yibo was content to enjoy these moments with his boyfriend without reservation.

It was after a particularly relaxing weekend—Xiao Zhan wasn’t required to be on set that day so the two of them had spent the day wandering all over Hengdian like tourists before finally retiring back to their hotel room for multiple rounds of mind-blowing sex—that Yibo had the sudden earth-shattering realization.

_I think I’m in love with him._ He realized. Followed swiftly by, _Shit. I’m in love with him._

* * *

Cho Seung-youn wasn’t the only one from his trainee days that he still kept in contact with. A few of the guys who had finally debuted in the boy band, UNIQ, had been his close friends. But Seung-youn was the only one who knew that Yibo was now working as an escort.

He texted his friend during his crisis, frantic for advice.

**Yibo:**

I have a problem.

**Seung-youn:**

What?

**Yibo:**

It’s about a client.

**Seung-youn:**

Who do I need to beat up?

**Yibo:**

Don’t be stupid, Ge, you can’t beat up anybody.

**Seung-youn:**

Shut up, I’m in military training now, I know how to shoot a gun.

**Yibo:**

I think I did something stupid and I don’t know how to fix it.

So Yibo told Seung-youn everything. About the job he’d taken on, about how the money would be enough to get him out of the agency for good. About how he’d slowly realized over the course of the last few months that he had fallen, absolutely, head-over-heels, deeply, in love with Xiao Zhan.

**Yibo:**

His smile is just so warm. And he’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met.

**Yibo:**

You know how some celebrities are secretly assholes?

**Yibo:**

This one’s not. He’s literally the most famous face in China right now. But he’s super chill.

**Seung-youn:**

Yeah…you’ve got it bad.

**Yibo:**

Shut up!

**Seung-youn:**

Why don’t you just tell _him_ all this?

**Yibo:**

What if he breaks up with me?

**Yibo:**

I mean. He’s this hot celebrity. I bet he could have anyone he wanted.

**Seung-youn:**

Dude. If he’s stupid enough to date you this long I doubt he’d come to his senses one day and leave.

**Yibo:**

Hyung! @#$@#%@#$!!!!

**Seung-youn:**

:P

**Seung-youn:**

But seriously. From everything you’ve told me. It seems like this guy’s a keeper. If you really care about him. You need to tell him the truth.

**Seung-youn:**

If he breaks your heart after all that, let me know. I’ve got some military leave saved up.

Yibo grinned. Leave it to Seung-youn to know just what to say to calm him down.

Sitting back on the hotel bed, Yibo tapped his fingers against the covers thoughtfully. Xiao Zhan was off filming late today. In a few days’ time, the production was due to wrap. After that, the older actor had plans to fly to Shanghai for filming of a variety show and Yibo was to return to Beijing alone. He wasn’t sure the next time he’d be able to see the older man in person. If he was going to say something, it would have to be soon.

Yibo went out and got take-out. When Xiao Zhan returned later that night, slightly exhausted but still with a happy smile on his face, Yibo was so nervous he spent the entire meal bouncing his leg up and down against the carpet.

Finally, the older man poked Yibo so hard in the ribs, he jumped. “What’s got into you?” The actor teased.

It probably wasn’t the most romantic moment he could have picked, Yibo realized afterwards. Xiao Zhan, with no make-up on and slightly puffy eyes after a day of crying scenes, the two of them sitting over take out in a makeshift dining situation on their hotel room floor, but god… In the months afterwards, this was one moment that Yibo could never regret.

“I think I’m in love with you,” he confessed.

Xiao Zhan’s answering grin was blinding.

.

.

.

It didn’t take long after that for Yibo to realize he couldn’t go through with the job after all. Probably he should have known after the first night they’d ever met, but Yibo had never been very emotionally intelligent.

Still. Once he made up his mind. There was no going back.

The pictures—the ones he’d snuck with hidden cameras the first night Xiao Zhan had ever come by his apartment. One by one, he deleted them, pausing briefly on the last few shots: Yibo with his shirt off, straddling Xiao Zhan’s waist. Another of the two of them against the wall of Yibo’s bedroom, Yibo’s face against Xiao Zhan’s neck. After a brief moment of hesitation, he kept those alone. For sentimentality’s sake. Because _God,_ did Xiao Zhan look fuckable in those pictures.

To Gong Yuhan, he sent a simple text. _Sorry, I can’t take the job after all. I’ve returned the down payment. Don’t contact me again._

* * *

For Lunar New Year’s, Xiao Zhan was busy performing at multiple galas and variety programs across the country. So Yibo spent a relatively uneventful holiday with his family in Luoyang.

Immediately after he returned to the capital, he informed the agency his intention to submit a resignation letter. Zhou-jie looked disappointed, but true to her word, she did not complain more about it. “You’ll have to stay on until March,” she informed him. “After that we can get the non-disclosure agreements and other paperwork signed. Wrap up all your open contracts before then,” she advised. “What about that old contract with Gong Yuhan? How did that one go?”

“Ah…” Yibo said awkwardly. “About that…I told him I couldn’t complete the job.”

Zhou-jie’s eyebrows climbed into her hairline. “You turned down one million yuan???” She screeched. “What happened?”

“I can’t go through with it,” Yibo said defensively.

His manager narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Yibo. Please don’t tell me the mystery guy you’ve developed feelings for is the target Gong Yuhan asked you to take pictures with.”

The panic was evident on his face.

Zhou-jie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do you realize the absolute _landmine_ you’ve stepped into?” She asked. “ _Xiao Zhan_??? Really??”

“I really like him, Jie,” Yibo admitted.

“Yibo,” Zhou-jie cautioned. “Did you tell him the truth about your job?” She asked slowly. “Do you realize the instant he finds out, if the _media_ ever gets word, the first thing his team will do is throw you under the bus to save his career.”

“I haven’t…I’ll tell him eventually,” Yibo promised. “We’ll be careful.”

Zhou-jie sighed deeply. “Give me your phone,” she said exasperated. “If you’re going to be this stubborn the least I can do is try to smooth out the ragged edges of this terrible plan.”

.

.

.

When Yibo got back to his apartment that night, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He collapsed onto the sofa, grinning broadly, and immediately video-called Xiao Zhan who was probably still in Changsha or Shanghai or any number of other cities.

The actor answered on the third ring and was instantly suspicious. “Why are you grinning so hard?” He asked. “Am I going to get home and find you’ve trashed my kitchen trying to cook again?”

“No,” Yibo responded. His gremlin grin still in place.

“Then what?”

“Nothing! Can’t I be glad to see you?” He asked. “I miss you.”

Xiao Zhan’s gaze softened. “I miss you, too.” The older man said, “A few more days in Changsha and I should be free to fly back to Beijing. Qing-jie’s been working me so hard I’m going to revolt!”

Yibo’s grin split wider. “Ge,” He said. He could see it now, a future together spread out before them. The kind of life he had once dreamed about. And Yibo wanted nothing more than for this man to be part of it. “I want a dog.”

“Wang Yibo!” Xiao Zhan cooed immediately. “If we get a dog I will love it more than you! Are you prepared?”

Instead of answering, Yibo simply threw back his head, Adam’s apple bulging, and laughed.

This was good.

* * *

When Wang Yibo woke up one morning two weeks later, everything had gone to chaos.

He had three missed calls from his manager, five from his parents, various Wechat and text messages from work colleagues, and a single text from Cho Seung-youn, _Are you ok?_

It wasn’t until he saw the first trending topic on Weibo that Yibo realized why. The headlines that screamed back at him were deadly in their efficiency:

_Xiao Zhan’s sex scandal?_

_Rising Star, Xiao Zhan, caught in scandalous affair with male prostitute!_

_New Photos surface accusing Xiao Zhan, China’s hottest new star, of paying money for sex._

Each article only got worse from there. In succinct words they all said similar things: Who hadn’t heard of Xiao Zhan in recent months? China’s sweetheart, the face of Asia, caught in a sex scandal with a male prostitute. The picture evidence they provided was damning and left little room for conjecture. There were pictures of Yibo with his shirt off, straddling Xiao Zhan’s waist, kissing him. Another picture of the two of them against a wall, Yibo’s hands cupping Xiao Zhan’s face. And finally, heart wrenchingly, the selfie they had taken on Xiao Zhan’s birthday in bed, hair tussled, lips swollen, smiles wide.

Yibo’s face had been blurred in most of them, but the side profile of his jawline would be unmistakable for anyone who knew him and more importantly, Xiao Zhan’s face was front and center in all of the pictures, fully un-redacted.

“Shit,” He swore, heart plummeting. “Shit…shit…shit…” Fumbling frantically with his phone, Yibo immediately checked his message history with Xiao Zhan. _Nothing._

Had he not seen it yet? But that wasn’t possible. Yibo had slept to nearly noon and Xiao Zhan had always been a morning person. Panicked and frantic, he sent off a text to Xiao Zhan before he could think too deeply about it.

**Yibo:** _Zhan-ge, it’s not what you think. Please let me explain._

The message was marked read almost instantly and Yibo’s heart nearly exploded in his panic. A cursor appeared indicating Xiao Zhan was typing, then disappeared, then reappeared, then vanished again. No message came.

Yibo waited two minutes, then five minutes, in increasing despair until finally, his phone vibrated with an incoming call. It was Xiao Zhan. And Yibo nearly dropped his phone in his panicked rush to answer it.

“ _Ge!”_ He gasped when he picked up the phone, “The headlines…I just woke up and saw them. Please let me explain!”

“Is it true?” Xiao Zhan asked. He sounded different. Tired. Cold. Distant.

“…What?” Yibo asked in confusion.

“Is it _true_?” Xiao Zhan repeated again, more insistently. “Did someone pay you to have sex with me.”

Yibo’s heart sank even lower than he thought possible. “It…It wasn’t like that,” he stammered. All his carefully planned responses flying instantly out the window. “I didn’t have sex with you because of money.”

Xiao Zhan’s voice was still distant. “Some of those photos. Nobody else could know about them. I didn’t send them to anyone else. Only you and I had copies…”

“I didn’t _sell_ them!” Yibo pleaded. “I promise you I didn’t.”

“But someone did put you up to taking them, didn’t they?” Xiao Zhan guessed.

Yibo’s silence was damning.

“Was any of it real?” Xiao Zhan asked and the way the other man’s voice broke on the last word brought tears to Yibo’s eyes.

Swallowing with some difficulty, Yibo continued. “It…It was this guy named Gong Yuhan. He approached me a few months ago with a job offer. He just wanted me to get close enough to you to stage some scandalous photos. I didn’t want to do it at first, but the money he was offering…it was a lot. It would’ve been enough to get me out of the agency, start something new. That’s why I approached you initially. Ge, I’m…I’m so sorry. But I didn’t go through with the deal. You _have_ to believe me. I _couldn’t._ Because I…I fell in love with you. Our relationship. _All of it was real._ I told Gong Yuhan that I couldn’t go through with it and returned the money to him. All of it. I didn’t sell him any of the pictures we took. I don’t know how they got out, I swear on my life. _Please._ ”

“I believe you,” Xiao Zhan replied. Three simple words. But Yibo hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear them until now. The relief he felt was so overwhelming, he collapsed to his knees on the floor gasping.

“I don’t blame you,” Xiao Zhan said again. “I know it’s not your fault.” _And_ _God. How could one man be so kind and forgiving and just so purely **good**. _“It’s my fault,” Xiao Zhan continued and Wang Yibo felt his heart stop at the older man’s words. “I shouldn’t have let my guard down like that. It was careless of me.”

A creeping uneasiness was building in his chest. “Ge…What are you saying?” Yibo asked hesitantly.

Xiao Zhan sighed. “I think it’s better if you lose this number,” he said.

“Zhan-ge…”

“It was a mistake dragging you into this.” Xiao Zhan continued. “But fortunately your face isn’t clearly recognizable in the pictures, so there’s some deniability there. Don’t worry about the press. My team and I will handle it. Just…don’t give them anything they can use as a statement and keep your head down. I can’t make you do anything of course, but I hope you’ll realize it’s really in your best interests to do so.”

“Wait…no! Zhan-ge!”

“Take care of yourself, Yibo,” said Xiao Zhan. It sounded like a goodbye.

“Xiao Zhan!” Yibo screamed.

The phone clicked. 

Yibo immediately tried to call back, but Xiao Zhan’s number went straight to voicemail. He tried his WeChat and found that he had been blocked. He tried every other form of contact he could think of to no avail. In a fit of rage, he threw his phone clear across the room and collapsed panting on the floor.

Five seconds later, he was scrambling across the room to dig it back out, mercifully undented, to call his manager.

She picked up on the first ring. “I assume you’ve seen the headlines,” Zhou-jie said, her voice calm. “Don’t worry about it too much, luckily your face was kept out of the press so we can pretend it wasn’t you in those photos.”

Yibo realized with a growing sense of dread that she sounded too calm, like she’d anticipated this. “What did you do,” He demanded, his voice trembling.

Zhou-jie sighed in disappointment. “Yibo…”

“Did you leak the pictures to Gong Yuhan?” Yibo demanded angrily.

“…It was for your own good,” She replied.

“How could you!” Yibo shouted.

“Yibo,” Zhou-jie scolded. “You were falling head over heels for this guy and it was never going to work out. You were sacrificing your jobs, you were willing to drop everything for him. Why couldn’t you see that he was just going to grow tired of you eventually and move on? Then you’d be left behind with nothing!”

“Don’t try and pretend this was for my sake!” He screamed back. “You…you just didn’t want your highest earning escort to leave!”

“Yibo, get it through your head. You and he don’t have a future. It’s over.”

“No, I just…I just need to explain to him. If I can just talk to him for five minutes and make him understand…”

“Don’t be such a child!” His manager scolded. “That man’s already dropped you like a hot potato, hasn’t he? In the end, he chose his career over you.”

Yibo took a deep breath in and let it out. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. And was surprised to find that he meant it. “It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I suppose I deserve it for all the lies I’ve told.”

Zhou-jie’s silence was suddenly wary. “Yibo…” She cautioned.

“I won’t let his career be ruined because of me.”

“Yibo, the pictures are out and they’re damning! He’s done!”

“No. Zhan-ge was baited into a trap he didn’t know about. He’s a victim in all of this.”

“Yibo, think about what you’re saying here…” Zhou-jie pleaded. “It doesn’t matter what he knew or not. Nobody cares about the truth if the story is more scandalous without it.”

“I have proof,” Yibo claimed. “Text history and money trails that prove Gong Yuhan was trying to slander Xiao Zhan. It’s enough to get him sent to prison.”

“What are you going to do?” Zhou-jie asked, she sounded frightened.

Yibo’s expression darkened. “Tell the truth,” he promised.

“Don’t be stupid, Yibo. No matter what you do. He won’t ever forgive you. The two of you are over! Give it up already!”

_If you keep dancing it will be detrimental to your health. It’s best if you give it up already…_

Yibo stopped abruptly, his fists clenched and trembling. His whole body was shaking in fear and anger, but he’d never been more sure of a decision in his life before and he’d never been more confident of any words on the tip of his tongue than now. Sometimes he wished he’d had the courage to say these next words back then too…perhaps then the course of his life would have been different. Perhaps not. But here and now, he had the choice again to fight for something he desperately wanted in his life. And he would be damned if he made the same regretful decision again.

“I won’t know until I try.”

* * *

_Three years later…_

“And don’t forget,” said his agent. “You have the chemistry read for your new drama at 3pm.”

Xiao Zhan, who had been dosing lightly in the car this entire time, sat bolt upright. “Chemistry read?” He exclaimed with a groan. It was far too early for this. “Between the dance rehearsal, photoshoot, and the red-eye flight to Changsha? Qing-jie are you trying to kill me?”

Liu Qing, his agent, bless her heart, simply patted his arm sympathetically. “They’re trying to finalize casting for the co-star part by next week. This was the only 3-hour time window I could find.”

“The things you make me do, Qing-jie, I want a vacation after this,” Xiao Zhan whined jokingly. “Preferably to somewhere with snow.”

“Yes, yes,” Liu Qing placated smoothly. “Chin up, Zhanzhan, we’re almost there.”

In the three years since those scandalous headlines had broken, business had eventually returned to normal. That wasn’t to say the first few months had not been tough for him, but looking back on it now, Xiao Zhan thought, the hardest part of it all had not been the internet hate, nor the blacklisting, nor the lost sponsors. It hadn’t even been the all-nighters pulled for weeks on end discussing crisis management. No. What stung the most, even years later, was still the loss of Yibo from his life.

_It hurt._ Like losing a limb.

Brief though it had been. His time with Yibo was still seared into Xiao Zhan’s memory as some of the happiest days in his life. It had taken him a while to be able to accept that though. In those early months, thinking about Yibo had hurt like an embedded thorn.

He’d felt betrayed, for sure. This mischievous kid who had dropped into his life like a meteor had left scars as deep as glaciers in the landscape of Xiao Zhan’s world. Even when they had first met, there had been something different about Wang Yibo, some magnetic pull about the younger man that had caused Xiao Zhan to pull down all his carefully constructed walls. It was scary at first, putting that much trust and love in someone, he later came to realize he hadn’t truly known. At the time, sure, he thought he’d known. He thought he’d seen who Wang Yibo really was. He thought behind all the glitz and glamour of being an escort was an impish kid with a good heart, who just wanted to dance. In those early months afterwards, he’d thought he’d been too naïve after all.

Still…after the hurt had subsided. His heart still couldn’t forget loving Yibo.

It was better this way, Xiao Zhan tried to argue. Better not to drag anyone else down into the vitriol with him.

In the past he had said that he did not fear falling back to the bottom because the bottom was where he had started. And it was true. He had once clawed his way bit by painful bit up from obscurity. He had earned and been fortunate to reach the top. Xiao Zhan had not lied about that. When the scandal hit, he was never once resentful. He simply mustered up his courage and pushed forwards again.

Interview after interview, clarifying. Telling the truth. Telling the story of the two men in those photos that nobody else had known. “There wasn’t any money exchanged,” Xiao Zhan had said. “He was my boyfriend and I loved him. But our relationship is in the past now so out of respect for him, I’d ask that everybody please respect his privacy.”

Certainly things had been hard for a time. There had been a period of time where lots of anonymous faces on Weibo had lashed out at him. Fans sending him teary letters about how he had betrayed them by loving another man. Sponsors breaking contracts because his behavior was considered _inappropriate._ As if loving another person could be a sin.

But there had also been a large outpouring of support. Letters from all corners of the LGBT community in China. Heartfelt messages from fans who had been encouraged by his declarations to come out to their friends and family.

And then after some time…there had been evidence provided to media outlets, which proved that an agent from a rival company had purposefully staged and leaked those photos to slander Xiao Zhan’s name. Xiao Zhan’s studio had jumped at the chance to strike back, suing for slander, defamation, bribery, among others. Eventually, the case had been settled and Gong Yuhan sent to prison.

Life moved on.

This marked one of the busier times of his career, almost as busy as his post-CQL craze when it seemed like the name Xiao Zhan had been splattered across every billboard and telescreen in China. One of his newest dramas had just released in the last few months to critical acclaim. Talk shows were once again scrambling to have him guest star, magazines were bidding for his face on their covers, and he had just booked the leading role in another upcoming drama.

It was a BL based drama. His agent had cautioned him against taking such a part in all honesty, worried with his history as the only openly out Chinese actor in the entertainment industry, although Bi, that he might be type cast as a BL-style actor in the future. But Xiao Zhan had been moved by the script and the storyline—the same way Ah-Ling* had once moved him in his early days. There was something about the story that had called instinctively out to him and Xiao Zhan had long since learned to trust his instincts.

So despite his agent’s warnings, he had insisted on auditioning for the part and ultimately won over the director with his charms and his vision for the character.

Now as Xiao Zhan was bussed from one event cross-city to the chemistry reads at Tencent’s headquarters, he was trying to retain as much optimistic energy as he could. The director, casting directors, and a few producers all excitedly greeted Xiao Zhan when he arrived and handed him a page of the scene from the script they would be running.

“There are three finalists for the part,” Director Chen explained as he flipped through script pages with Xiao Zhan over mugs of tea. “We think they’d all be great for the second lead, but just want to get a sense of their chemistry with you before we finalize casting arrangements.”

Xiao Zhan nodded along good naturedly and promised to provide his input as needed. The first of the young actors brought in was perfectly polite. He seemed slightly nervous and inexperienced but openly gushed at the sight of Xiao Zhan. His acting was a bit unpolished, yet marginally better than Xiao Zhan’s own acting had been at the start of his career. But although a good fit for the part, the older actor didn’t quite feel any spark with this potential co-star.

The second young actor was slightly more experienced. He brought a different take to the character and Xiao Zhan felt he’d most likely be ok for the second lead part, even if their cooperation had been surface-level at best. There would still be time, he supposed, to build a stronger rapport when filming started.

The director and other staff members however seemed slightly frustrated with their finds thus far, whispering urgently to each other in the corner when the last of the three contenders stepped into the room to introduce himself and Xiao Zhan’s heart nearly stopped in shock.

Because standing in front of him was a man he had never expected to see again in this lifetime.

“Hi,” said his potential co-star. “My name is Wang Yibo.”

He looked older now than the Yibo of Xiao Zhan’s memory. His features were sharper and less boyish, his eyes more matured. But those eyes still looked at him the same way, hesitant and warm, despite his outwardly cold exterior. It filled Xiao Zhan’s heart full to bursting with longing.

“Alright,” said Producer Yang, startling Xiao Zhan from his train of thought. “Let’s start from the top shall we?”

Yibo was perfect for the role.

He had just the right amount of smugness and arrogance, but was perfectly capable of slipping into vulnerability as the scene progressed. Reading their lines together, Xiao Zhan felt himself slipping more effortlessly into his character than ever before, the two of them fitting together like puzzle pieces sliding into place. Even when Xiao Zhan teasingly threw in a few lines of improv as a challenge, Yibo pushed back just as smoothly and confidently.

When the two of them had finished reenacting the scene, the crowd of on-looking staff burst into applause. Director Chen clapped right along with the rest, earnestly. “That’s it! That’s our co-star!”

While the director, producers, and their agents split off to work out contract and scheduling details, Yibo sidled up to Xiao Zhan’s side carefully. “Can we talk?” he asked.

Heart in his throat, Xiao Zhan nodded silently.

This Yibo was still painfully awkward, the older man thought fondly, as he watched the other actor stumble shyly with his words. “I owe you an apology,” Yibo stammered. “I know it’s years late and you probably don’t ever want to hear it. But I am sorry. Sincerely so sorry for what I did to you. I should have told you the truth then.”

“Why didn’t you?” Xiao Zhan whispered.

“I didn’t want to lose you,” Yibo admitted honestly. “Which I suppose in hindsight is stupid, because I lost you anyways.”

“I’m here now,” Xiao Zhan replied simply.

“I quit the agency,” Yibo confessed. “I wanted to quit a long time ago. Pretty soon after I met you, actually. You were right about me. The things I really wanted to do…it was never there, with them, but I didn’t have the courage to leave sooner. You were the one that inspired me to try again for my dream of being a dancer. I should really thank Xiao-laoshi for that.”

“I think you would have found the courage within yourself eventually,” Xiao Zhan replied.

“Still. I owe you a lot. For everything you did for me. And the way I repaid you…I can’t do enough to settle that debt in this lifetime.”

“It’s all in the past.”

Yibo bit his lip. “Xiao-laoshi…Zhan-ge…I truly did love you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you. I still do.” Xiao Zhan sucked in a breath. “These past few years, I fought so hard to get a leg into this industry, to maybe get the chance to work with you again, to meet you again…legitimately this time. To earn your love again. The right way. Without the lies and deceit. But I understand if you never want to see me again. If you say the word, I’ll tell my agent to pull out of this part and you’ll never have to see me again. But if you’re willing to forgive me, if a small part of you still feels for me the way I feel for you, I promise you that I’ll do everything I can to never hurt you like that again.”

For the longest time, they stared at each other and Xiao Zhan watched Yibo’s face flush red with embarrassment and slowly fill with resignation. “Right,” the younger man murmured. “Thank you again. For everything.”

Just as Yibo was turning away, however, Xiao Zhan called him back. “Was it you?” He asked.

“Huh?” Yibo asked, confused.

“Were you the one who leaked all that information on Gong Yuhan?”

The younger man looked nervous. “Yeah,” he confessed.

“If they found out your name…you could’ve gone to prison. Your life would have been ruined.”

“But it would’ve saved your career,” Yibo replied simply. “I was willing to fight for this,” He said, gesturing between the two of them. “Zhou-jie said I was making the biggest mistake of my life. That you had chosen your career over me. That I would regret this. But I couldn’t let it go without trying.”

“ _Idiot,_ ” Xiao Zhan scolded tearfully. “Did I ask you to do something stupidly self-sacrificing like that for me?”

Yibo blinked bewildered. “It was the least I could do.”

“When did you get so brave, you brat,” Xiao Zhan teased, voice cracking. “You used to need to hold my hand to fall asleep if it was dark.”

Yibo flushed. “Zhan-ge taught me that sometimes you need to be bold to fight for what you want.”

“…and what do you want?”

There was no hesitation in the other man’s eyes this time when they met Xiao Zhan’s, only a fierce determination. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

The older actor’s eyes were openly wet now. “I didn’t want to drag you into it,” Xiao Zhan admitted. “All the public scrutiny in the months afterwards. All the hate. I didn’t even think I was going to _have_ a career anymore. I just wanted to protect you from it all.”

Yibo laughed tearfully. “Ge, you stood by me when I was a nobody. I would have happily stood by you.”

“It’s not going to be easy,” Xiao Zhan argued. “Things are better now but associating with me is just as likely to kill your career before its even started.”

“Ge,” said Yibo simply. “What do you want?”

Xiao Zhan blinked, taken aback. His expression softened. “I miss you,” he said honestly. “I still love you. I don’t want to run away from something we both want.”

“Then don’t,” replied Yibo bluntly. “Stay.”

_Ah._ Thought Xiao Zhan. _This is the kid I fell in love with. I want to show him to the world._ To Yibo though he simply said, “Ok.”

.

.

.

And over a year later when their newest drama had skyrocketed to fame, Xiao Zhan got to watch proudly from his place on the stage as his boyfriend, danced to his heart’s content to the adoring cheers of thousands of fans—sparkling, brilliant, with all the radiance of a meteor in flight—and think, _Look. This is Wang Yibo. Isn’t he amazing? All of you want him. But you can’t have him._

_This man is mine._

**Author's Note:**

> Wang Yibo’s and Xiao Zhan’s outfits at the party the night they met: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/806566614500911747/ 
> 
> *Ah-Ling is the cute nickname the cast use for Chen Qing Ling (CQL)
> 
> Fic title from the song, Saturn, by Sleeping At Last. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s
> 
> Not sure that this fic turned out exactly how I expected. I hope it was happy enough…haha. Also, I’m really not good at writing smut (sorry!). I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this so soon because there are still scenes and transitions that I am not satisfied with. But if I sat on this fic until I was satisfied I would never have it done by the Aug deadline…so I figure I’ll just put it out there first. I may or may not come back to edit this again at some later point.


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